This is a compilation of some of my memories and experiences that happened during my teenage years. Start at the begginning of this blog to hear the beginning of my story.

The most recent posts will now be my experiences with Lupus as an adult and mother.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Now What?

I walked out of my postpartum doctor's appointment the other day and had a mixture of feelings.

I had counted down the days till I was 6 weeks postpartum-only because I knew by then, I would resemble somewhat of my normal self. Inside and out.

At the same time, It was so sad to say goodbye to doctor Blea. What a doctor. The care that he has given me, kindness -not impatience with me or my health. Always pleasant....even on those hard days you could read in his face. Most the time he was more than "pleasant" happy and joking with me. He watched my meds so close, and got me into another awesome doc- my rheumatologist. All these things I haven't had in any other doc or pregnancy. It raises the bar now for any other doctor I'll have in the future.
Good doctors are out there. We sometimes just have to search for them. Pay more for them.  They are worth it.

ok. So after my bitter-sweet moment at the office, I resolved to come home and write about my last 6 weeks. It has been long enough right?!
days later, I'm here. ha!
well in my defense, I don't have too much time to blog or read blogs anymore.

So the labor and delivery went well. You can read all about it HERE. It's not only words but a picture story too. ooo.

I really don't know where to start.
I guess the hospital.
It wasn't the best stay. My nurses were onery. doing anything for me was a big chore for them and me.
I had to ask and ask. They wouldn't let Nate do get ice chips. but they wouldn't do it either.
{and lets just talk about their heparin shots. for some reason they were torturous!! you'd think they'd do better than me. They barely put the tip in, and then slowly pushed. one small 5 unit shot took like 5 minutes. no joke. Maybe it was their way of getting back at all the ice chips I requested, torture with a needle. bahahaha)

but it was quiet. and I liked that. My mom had taken the other kids. and I had meals served to me.

They started me on coumadin there, coinciding with heparin. I guess that you have a greater chance of clotting when you first go on coumadin so I had to take both for a few days. The doctor didn't leave instructions on how much of each to take- well on how to decrease the dosage, and I went home on a I couldn't get a hold of the office to ask how much and just took what I was taking at the hospital.
First thing monday I called...they fixed my meds. I was officially off heparin!
I love that day. the end of shots.
boy those shots are hard for me. maybe I'm just a baby. I would be a horrible diabetic.

Tuesday I had to go in for a blood draw.
Tues afternoon they called and told me I was SUPER thin.(because I had such a high dose for those 3 days over the weekend) I was to pretty much not doing anything. to LAY LOW- so I didn't bump myself. not to go far from my house. just to "take it easy" I did?
{how do you do that with 3 kids}

from then I went in everyday for a week- even over the weekend- to check my blood.
I aLMOST took a picture of my two elbow pits. the bruises were bad. quite attractive, if you like purple and blue skin.
They got my blood worked out. and slowed the blood draw down to 2-3 times a week.
the last two weeks it was just once a week. nice.

My coumadin was all over the place- every time I had a blood draw they called and moved it to 5mg, or 2.5, or every other day 5, and 2.5. It was annoying. I regret not asking what my level was and what they want it to be at, so that I understood what and why they were changing it.
Last week, (week 6 going on 7) I just did 2.5 every other day and now I'm done.
I'm back to my normal meds.
plaquneil and baby aspirin. oh and a prenatal.

My baby, William, is the joy in my life. a cute, chubby, gurgly baby. But he hasn't always been like that.
He was quite a sad guy until 2 weeks ago, then started cheering.
Life was hard. and Overwhelming.
I didn't feel sad about life, I felt overcome by the world.
the thought of running out to get milk and bread. Or cleaning my bathrooms. Or folding laundry was just SO hard. how could I ever do that!?
Granted- it was tricky with this little newborn and the two crazy others. but not that hard.
I knew in my head it is just my hormones. but it doesn't change the way I feel.
It's amazing isn't it? It give you a small insight to what those who constantly deal with depression and problems have to go through. As much as your brain tells you otherwise, it also pulses out the wrong prescription of hormones to make you feel otherwise.

I don't know, maybe they don't feel anything like that.
and as hard as it was for me to comprehend getting ready and going to the doctors and the store (cause I like went to the doctor everyday!) I pushed through and did it. I learned you just plain have to do it. and sure enough I survived and felt so much better for doing it. I would feel worse if i didn't get my jobs done for the day.

Those 6 weeks are just something you have push (and push and push and push) through.

I still don't feel 100% hormone normal. I get overwhelmed and stressed easy. a little emotional. but I'm SO much better and feel So much happier.

LUPUS: should we discuss what happens next?

Well at 6 weeks. I'm watched closely.
I had an appointment with my Rhem. and blood drawn at about 6 weeks.
All these out of wack hormones is what sends the lupus into a flare.

Women are typically diagnosed at puberty and pregnancy. Our hormones.

I have been feeling great (as far as lupus). no sign of acting up.
I still haven't heard from the doctor about my blood no news is good news. I'm assuming.

ok time for another feeding. babies eat a lot :)

I wonder what I'll have to blog about next.
It better not be a flare.
I'll have to get creative.

anything you want to know about Lupus or Me or Lupus and Me?
feel free to give me ideas.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


Friday, the kids and I went to my last NST.
Aren't these times in your life crazy? When you are right about to transition? You know everything is going to change. Your excited, and nervous, sad and of course- happy.

It was weird thinking I won't see all these ladies that I know so well for a very long time. If ever again.
I know about their kids in college, their grandchildren, and of course- their own pregnancies.
It's all kind of bitter sweet isn't it.

Sydney went camera happy and took a bunch of pictures with my phone. So I deleted 98% of them and will show you the rest. unless you really protest and would like to see the ultrasound machine in 100 different views...

And in 2 days...I will be showing you my baby instead.

Stinkin' cute little boy. love him.
They are so good. well behaved children when I have the NST. the whisper and play. Help me get my water bottle, and shoes on. 
I got lucky. 
(don't worry its not like that anywhere else)
 uh, too bad this isn't a little more blurry.
 This is Rosie. I have talked about her before. I hope she doesn't mind being on her, all blurry and such. 
She was my main NST nurse. 
You can kind of see her pink streaks of hair. It's too bad you can't hear her awesome accent. 

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I had quite the fun appointment today.
It was super early this morning, and I was up super late (and throughout the night) last I was tired out of my brains.
BUT at the same time I was a lucky girl.

It started out with the same ol NST. My very LAST AFI, and then an ultrasound....which are always grand. (besides the bruises on my tummy, and my very sore uterus, I'm having lots of strong contractions....)

ANYWAY. my doc was stuck with a patient. and I was left to read on the uncomfortable white
u/s bed. When the u/s nurse asked if I would be willing to test out a new ultrasound machine. Of course!
ok so I did think about it, my tummy is really sore. but the chance to check out this baby and with a cool new machine, and what else was I going to do anyway. oh. and I didn't have kids. why not.

They tested this new machine on me- which was super cool. super clear. Just the brain alone was pretty amazing...
I scanned in two pictures. left is OLD machine, right flipped (sorry about that) is the new machine.
its just of his profile, but you can see how the definition is different.

My doc came in and we talked a little bit about baby and me.
he played with the machine. Telling me I'm not the best candidate for testing it out because I am so easy anyway to see through (being thin). no offense. besides practice makes perfect for the tech right?

The new machine does 4D pics too. They did several glances of his face. I could see his little bits of hair, and eye and nose. hand covered it here and there. the 4D technology has improved even from when I had Jack. baby does look so much like a clay alien.

On the last view of the 4D his hand was covering most his face, and that was the only one they took a picture of. the worst one :( still worth posting right. even if you can't tell he has an eye and squished nose.

ok it looks really bad. when going from machine, to scanner, to flash drive and program it lost a lot.
he looks like a clay alien.

Here is my grand ol' 38 week picture.
ONE week from today I will probably be in labor.
ready or not!!

shirts aren't fitting much anymore. I have to kind of hold them down....

false labor

On Sunday I had quite an embarrassing false alarm. I always swore I would NEVER be one of those.... but I WAS!!
A little after 1 I started having contractions every 5 minutes. They weren't super strong till about 5. Even then I wasn't "breathing through them" but they were painful.
So I called my doc, as instructed, and he said I should go into triage.

Although my contractions were then 2-3 minutes apart and their little arches turned into big tall arches on the graph I was only dilated to a 1. After an hour of walking the halls they calmed down in intensity (not frequency) and I was only dilated to a 1 1/2. So they sent me home to labor there....come back when I had been "breathing through my contractions" for an hour or more.

I came home. we put kids to bed. I went to bed.
and contractions stopped sometime in the night. I woke up a couple of times to strong ones but otherwise slept well.
super sore back next day....

I was excited to go home. I am was not ready for him to come!
during the time I was counting contractions I thought of the million things I wanted and needed to do before the big day!! I had cleaning, (especially cause family will be coming after) laundry stacked, sewing projects, things to buy, groceries, meals to make....just plain not ready.
I sat there hoping they would slow down and stop.
(although, a part of me..very small part...was of course excited to meet this guy)
I know I shouldn't be surprised at "going early" I should have been ready to have this baby at 37 weeks. I like to save those little things for RIGHT before though, it helps makes these last weeks go faster and keep me busy.
today already I feel as if I could have this baby and be better prepared about it. BUT I still have much to do. so stay in there, k bud?
It's too early.
your too little.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

HepArin versus

I always for get that heparin has an A in it. It's not like it is pronounced Hep-A-rin. well not that I have ever heard it. We 'al jes say heprin 'round here.

It's not the only thing that I forgot about heparin. At this point I don't know what is better lovenox or heparin. I've complained enough about lovenox, so now that Ive been doing heparin for a while and its nice a fresh I can tell you its cons. and although the cons are different they probably weight each other out.

Heprin isn't fun because I have to do 75 mL 2x a day. (vs 40mL once a day with Lovenox) that's a lot of fluid to push into my thighs.
{at this point my belly is so big and tight doing a sub injection there hurts more and ...only gives me a long lasting bruise and with AFI's and ultrasounds at least once a week on my belly- it doesn't sit right}

Anyway, It's a lot of fluid leaving big bruised on my thighs. so you run out of skin after, um, a day. so I've become kind of bad at pushin heparin as many times a day as I should. Some days I'm braver than others...

I've reached 37 whole weeks.
and here is a picture to prove it.
I took this pic exactly on day/week 37. since I've gotten bigger...scale says so. It's only been 5 days!
On this day I had a:
Ultrasound & AFI
OB Visit
Rhemotolgist appointment

My ob visit went is nice and big... 6 lbs. My NST's have all gone smooth. This baby is so busy they have never had to "zap" him awake shake my belly. If anything he has been too busy, twirling and swirling in there he moves off the monitor. Doesn't that make you nervous?! It sure makes me....I might have quite a busy baby boy on my hands soon. AHH so soon.

We scheduled my induction.
7th at 7! 10 whole days away.
I kind of feel I'll make it that long. I have a lot of contractions, and strong ones. but not even close to being regular and they always go away after a while. I think that's pretty normal, especially for like your 3rd child. My body knows what to do and is getting ready. {am I ready?}

Later that afternoon I went to the Rhem. there wasn't too much to discuss with her. I haven't had blood drawn for a while, and nothing in my health has changed so she checked my joints and I was on my way.

I did talk to her about my anemia. I've tried everything....remember that soft gel I was so excited about. It hasn't made any difference. I'm still anemic. Not too severe- nothing that the rhem is worried about. It's pretty normal for what they see, and someone like me. She called it Chronic anemia. My hemoglobin stores scores are fine so they really aren't worried.
It's only when I come onto a new doc, who isn't used to my type of scores do they always beg me to take iron.

That news made me feel better. None-the-less, I hope one day I'll NOT be anemic. so do my teeth.

10 days.
maybe I'll get another post in.
maybe I won't.
I've got a lot to do for this baby still.
wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

35 and 35 to go

I feel there is reason to celebrate. 
I picked up my last box of lovenox this week, of this pregnancy. 
(can't quite say it will be my last box in life...we shall see)

In one more week I will be done with hurtful fire burning shots. 
I won't be done with shots.
heparin will begin, 2x a day. 
I don't remember heparin hurting. 
just the poke. which sometimes takes 
just as much courage. 

I'm now 35 weeks. 
Isn't funny how it can feel SO close, and yet so far away. 
really I only have 4 more weeks. 4 is such a small number.
But when you say a MONTH. a month is a large number. 

nonetheless this baby will be here before we know it. don't we. 

with the exception of super sore hips, I feel great. 
I made a commitment to myself to try and enjoy this pregnancy. not be such a debbie downer about being all uncomfortable and sore. And I feel I've done a good job. There is always something to complain about! especially pregnant. But I didn't want it to be my focus. 

I didn't want to focus on the soreness, on the shots, the waddling, feeling fat and ugly pregnancy clothes. 
Instead I wanted to look at myself in a positive light, cherish my "baby Jack" cause- he is only my baby for a few more weeks. :(  and just plain suck up the aches. 

I have my weak moments, Nate knows this. ..and my close friends.
and my scary moments. 
But I must say, I've enjoyed this season of my life. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

When your sister goes into labor....

My last NST was so pleasant.
I had a cute little english nurse.


She has straight short blonde hair (in between her ears and her shoulders) with bright pink streaks.

I love her!
She ran through all my meds, asking, Are you still taking the low-vin-ox? and was surprised when there was a page 2.

We chit chatted, and she left me to relax.
I had left both my kids at home, and ate up the relaxing.

Baby was happy and squirmy and had passed the NST  within 3 minutes of being hooked up.

The way NST's work is you have to be hooked up for 20 minutes.
I didn't mind 17 more minutes of this.
especially childless.

It was a quick 20 minutes and I was out of there.

TODAY however, was quite a different experience.
I did have little Jack with me.
(who is loosing his fear of toilets and also going potty when we ask)
So he went potty before the nst.

and I had cute Rosie.
After about 15 minutes I mentioned I had been having a lot of contractions, I noticed them on my drive there...I had like 2 on the car ride.
 She examined the sheet- and yes I was having them about every 5 minutes.
I stayed hooked on to be monitored and kept having them regularly.

At this point I think it is appropriate to mention my sister is in labor today.
same time as me sitting here doing this NST. Do you think these could possible be sympathy contractions?

Worried...she talks to doc.
I'm going to another room anyway for a growth u/s so she has to swab me and check my cervix.

I ALWAYS have a be prepared attitude when going to the doc. meaning shave and prepare for a just-in-case check.
but I didn't prepare for today.

Contractions still going we-
do the swab (which will tell us if I will go into labor in the next 2 weeks)
do the check (cervix high and closed, phew)
do the ultrasound. (baby is growing good! just cause I'm small doesn't mean he is. a little over 4lbs.)
talk to doc.

while we wait for swab results I get to sit and be monitored.
and get some medicine that is a muscle relaxer. I never quite understood the name from my cute english nurse.

I was over come with shakes and got super hot and kind of dizzy. It scared me! but apparently is normal side effect. (I'm fine now, in case your wondering. just a little leftover shake)

I didn't have another contraction, and my swab result came back negative.
I can go home.

Good little Jack was amazing.
He sat quietly for all those hours. he ate a few snacks. we didn't have any lunch, so I bet he was starving. I was.He did have to go pee and additional 2 times, but luckily I wasn't hooked up to anything when he would announce his bladder problem.

He wanted E-I-O's for lunch.
so he got it.

don't you think he deserved it?

top is baby heartbeat
bottom is my contractions