#3- week 12

so I walk into this appointment and go through all the usual stuff with the nurse....Tiffany.

weight.

pee sample.

arrive in room.

go through list of meds.

any concerns?

now lets listen to that babies heart beat.

FOREVER she searched and searched. Eventually she gave up and we wandered into the ultrasound room. Yay for me another ultrasound...if I didn't miscarry.

I didn't. There on the screen wasn't a dot. Or a worm. but a Baby. the fetus is looking less and less alien like. haha. and nice and clear you could see the fluttering heart beat.

phew.

Doctor walks in and first thing he says: You've LOST weight. The amount of his concern on this matter alarms me, or surprises me mostly. Sure it's not good that I lost a couple of pounds but he is way concerned.

Not that I liked hearing I had lost weight either. My goal for this pregnancy is to EAT and to get BIG. Jack and Sydney were both so little. Especially Jack. He was 37 weeks, full term, but only 5.5 lbs. His tiny-ness effected me and I felt responsible. I was induced (with strong recommendations of doctors). I didn't eat enough.

I don't want the same thing to happen this time.

Women with lupus have smaller babies. Women with lupus go into labor earlier and earlier with each baby. With that being said-There is no doubt in my mind that I will go early and I will have a small baby....so until that day comes I'll do my best to make this kid nice and chubby, and healthy.

So why had I lost weight? The morning sickness had set in about week 8. Up until then I had been gulping down food like crazy with all my cravings. Then I started getting sick AND I have major heart burn.

I feel that my morning sickness is pretty mild compared to so many women, and I'm so thankful for that!! I feel I can control it pretty good. I can eat most food, but only a little. Once I start feeling like I'm going to throw up and Stop and walk away. If I keep goin- I'm dead.

Im still eating, just not enough.

ALSO- heartburn. Since my glorious chemo days of constant throwing up I have had heart burn. My doctors said all that throwing up probably ruined my sphincter. For the last couple of years on chemo and a few years after a regularly took Prevacid; however, my heartburn problems faded away and if I controlled any problems with Tums.

BUT with pregnancy it all flares up again. Not too surprising- right? Since women who have never had heartburn in their life get it during their pregnancies.

Now that my heartburn is up and going I don't eat what will cause me pain. which is also a factor to my lost pounds.

So my new resolve is... EAT. shouldn't be too hard.