This is a compilation of some of my memories and experiences that happened during my teenage years. Start at the begginning of this blog to hear the beginning of my story.

The most recent posts will now be my experiences with Lupus as an adult and mother.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Abide with Me

Abide with me, 'tis eventide. The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall' the night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest, within my home abide.

O Savior Stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior Stay this night with me; Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide. They walk today with me
Has Made my hear within me burn, As I communed with thee.
They Earnest words have filled my soul and Kept me near thy side

Abide with me; 'tis eventide. And Lone will be the night.
If I cannot commine with thee, Nor find in thee my light.
The Darkness of the world, I fear, would in my home abide.

O Savior Stay this night with me; Behold 'tis eventide.
O Savior stay this night with me, 'tis eventide.

I put the words, because trying to upload the MOTAB version is too difficult. But read them carefully. They are beautiful. and the music, is my favorite. I have always loved this one. My parents and leaders taught me from a young age to memorize the hymns for those not so holy places and times we get stuck in sometimes. Of course, the ones we love, we memorize. Like this one. I love it because of the chorus...B flat to D, C.....love it.

I haven't told this story to anyone ever. It is so simple and yet too powerful to me. Sacred. Thinking of it brings me to tears. I can't write or make you feel what I felt that night, and it isn't some magestic story or anything like that. But I hope the spirit does let you feel a part of what I felt. If not right now then...on a "lone night," or when the world seems "dark" to you. Keep him by your side now in the good times- so when the darkness that you fear comes upon you he will Abide with you.

Some treatments went smoother than others. I would throw-up less, I would recover faster. Others were tough. The IV's would blow, I wouldn't pee till forever, I would get really sick- and the medicine wouldn't calm it down. I couldn't sleep, or eat, or drink...could bearly live.

My mom always says I was on my death bed for those three years, I thought that was dramatic, but Looking back-it was pretty much true. from my scores to my health all signs kind of prove it.

Here is the picture you can paint in your head. Many of you have had babies- or been in the hospital once, right? so you know you have tubes/IV's in and out of you everywhere- meaning not many comfortable ways to lay. The saline and fulids running through you; chill you to the bone, and their hard smelly (hospital smelly) blankets don't do it for ya.
Then add the increasing pain. Maybe think of the flu, and intensify it. your skin hurts to touch, the smells make your stomach revolt, and you puke and puke and puke and. The muscles down to your tonails are tender.
Your room is cold, you are cold. The hospital is sleeping and the nurses at their station. Alone. My mom is by me, and although trying to sleep, I know now she probably didn't sleep at all. But there is only so much that she can do, and only so many times I can cry and complain to her. She did so much.
This is where the Savior comes in. HE has done it all. He has felt my pain.
I can't sleep, tv out of the question, so I sing my hymn in my head and pray fervently that I can just fall asleep and disolve into another world.
Instead I feel warm arms move up my folded ones. Wrap around my neck. Warmth pulses through my veins and for a minute the pain subsides, I cry. and fall asleep. I know He was there. With all my heart, on that night, He wrapped me up and held me till I fell asleep.

of course I prayed A LOT more for Him, and He would come, never that strong, but he was there always for me. My Savior.

11 comments:

  1. Desi, This is a beautiful story. I am so glad that you shared it. I don't think I ever fully realized, (I may never) what you went through and I am sorry but I am glad that the most powerful and influential person could. I hope that I can follow your example during my own trials.
    Love Jenni Harris

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  2. Desi, Desi. You touch my heart. Your posts have me in tears. I hate that you had to go through this...had to have so much pain. Thank you for your testimony and sharing such a tender experience. I know reading this only reaffirmed the truthfulness to me...recognizing exactly what you wrote about...I am glad you received comfort at the time...and continue to as you write this and pass it along to others. I don't feel I am writing coherently...but you touched me...that is all.

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  3. One of my favorite hymns ever.

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

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  4. That touched me. I felt the Spirit through your story. Thank you for sharing your story. I can't believe everything you had to go through and where you are now. Our Savior was definitaly with you and helping you through. What an incredible experience to have at such a young age.

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  5. love you des, I am sorry for all that you had to endure. I know that it has made you an incredibly compassionate person now. Love you. I had a couple of tears too.

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  6. I am sure when you were going through all of this you never thought "someday my story will help people." but guess what, Des, someday is here. And you are touching so many lives through it. Thank you.
    I loved this story and needed it. You are amazing, and now more than ever, one of my heros.

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  7. I'm so glad you're writing this Des. Im going to keep reading. love, Marie

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  8. That was such a sweet/neat post! I love our Heavenly Father!

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  9. Desi, I have been meaning to put a comment for forever but it seems like I always get pulled away and I wanted to really put some thought into it...Anyway. I just wanted to say that you are so brave and I am glad you are documenting this. It is so funny/weird to hear you talk about it because though we were close when this all happened, I don't remember it ever being so serious. I guess it's like you said you didn't think it was that bad either at first. Anyway, I remember when I got a call from the hospital when you had the blood clots in your legs and I was sooooo nervous something really bad happened to you that I was relieved to find it was "only" blood clots. It is funny how our minds process things. I also wanted to say, Thank you for this post. It was so special and I could most certainly feel the spirit and strength of your testimony. I feel I need to apologize for not being a better/closer friend during your time of need. But you are so strong and thanks again for sharing.

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  10. This is my favorite hymn, too! How wonderful that He can (and does!) stay with us when we really need Him. I am so glad you knew to ask for Him in those times of suffering. I'm glad I get to know you!

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