a Seminary answer

seminary council 2001-2002

Ryan. Collin, Laura, Me, ____,Stephanie,Corrine, Bro Prigmore and family

feel free to help remember her name!!

I started this blog to try to journal everything thatI remember about my sick years. my big experiences and my small experiences. I think I have kind of gotten caught up on all the big experiences and forgotten to still write down the little ones.

No, they are hardly as toenail gripping as other ones. but that's not my purpose. I need to journal.

My high school had release hour for seminary. I was lucky enough to have all different teachers one year or semester. Sometimes because of scheduling students are stuck with the same seminary teacher every year. (not that that is bad...unless you two don't get a long :) Sometime during my time there, the seminary principal called me into his office. I'm thinking this was my senior year...but it could have been my junior.

See I had received a calling to be on seminary council my senior year. It was awesome. I got to know different group of people, plan events and EMTM (early morning testimony meetings). I really liked leadership positions like that. I was also a Student Body officer. Those things were a good way for me to do something, and be fairly good at it. I really didn't feel good at anything then.

I like leadership because those positions mainly just took a lot of hard work (and some popularity, but with the other officers as the "popular" ones I did ok) with my illness I could do hard work. I couldn't do any sports, and practice as I might I wasn't excelling as I wanted to be excelling in my music instruments.

Anyway, I had gotten to know Brother Prigmore (seminary principal, incase you forgot) pretty well. I was still intimidated by the fact that he was an adult, and very handsome...but I felt I could still talk to him.

He pulled me into my office and asked me some questions about me, my disease and my faith.

I really don't remember much, except the end.

He said he admired me for my faith.For my good attitude. Then he asked me a question that left me speechless.

He asked me if I had ever Blamed God, or asked him WHY me?

AllI could do is shake my head no. I didn't know how to explain....

I hadn't asked God WHY ME, in the way he was referring to. In the way where you become bitter and full of hatred. Cold and Unforgiving.

I had asked God WHY ME, in the way of a refiners fire. We know the scriptures that talk about the trials we go through are to purify us. Like gold.

I wanted to know why God was refining me. What am I going to do with my lessons here. would there be anything? Would I impact others, or would it just be for me and only me.

He left it with the head shake and told me how much he admired me, yadda yadda yadda.

I felt touched. I really wanted his approval.

Then I thought...if I'm so admirable how come you set everyone else up with your handsome sons but not me. haha. such a teenager

I don't really know why I have been given this trial. I KNOW it is for me, it has shaped who I am, how I feel about others and how they should be treated. I have a sense of gratitude for life and health and love that is hard to match unless you watch your life almost slip away. And I have a great testimony of the reality of our Savior and his death for us. When I was that sick I was sure thankful for repentance.

When I recieved my patriarical blessing I hopped and prayed it would also give me some insight...and it didn't, really.

I still hope that I can help someone and make a difference somehow with my experiences. I want it to more than just for me. If that makes any sense.

In the end, at least I have those memories and that testimony to savor. I am continually reminded of them, the smell of the soap at a dr office. having a baby and laying in those %#&* beds for days. Getting the flu and throwing up. Going through a "shedding phase" and pulling out a ton of hair. It helps me to always remember and keep me humble.