hard feelings and softening hearts

I was born in the same hospital that my son was born in, almost the same room too. Ogden Regional, in Utah. I lived there till I was five. In a nice little house, my mom had it fixed up so cute that it was featured in a Better Homes and Garden Magazine even.

After 5 years of living and working in Ogden my Dad decided he needed to make more money, being a "male nurse" wasn't going to cut it for a family of 6. We moved to Kansas City where he attended anesthesia school. My mom decided to further her education also. She was a dental hygienist- but she got her Masters @ UMKC and then continued at the University teaching and earning the "Best Teacher of the Year Award." Pretty impressive huh. well I thought so. I was so proud of her back then. {still am} My dad finished, we moved to Blue Springs and he did is residency in a hospital. At the age of 11 3/4 we moved to Twin Falls for the following reasons

1. it was close to family in Utah, but NOT in Utah

2. job opening, with promise to be partner and so on. promoting and so on.

3. cute, quiet town- perfect to raise a family in. good schools, good people.

We moved to Twin, rented a house for a year, and my parents built a house from scratch. Family came up and helped with trusses, lifting walls, etc. They did everything but the bricks, plumbing and carpet. I remember tileing the green foyer, painting a bathroom- stepping back into the paint pan....having paint up to my ankles. Aubrey and I couldn't stop laughing.

Doesn't that life seem perfect. Good job, new house in the beautiful serene country on the canyon. Everything you could ever want. Well, we all know when life is going good....something is going to go wrong- soon.

And it did, the local hospital bought out all the surrounding hospitals and clinics. Which is where my dad worked. meaning- no job.

Here is a little lesson about the hospitals in Twin Falls. See Magic Valley Regional Medical Center had decided they were only going to hire Anesthesiologist and not Nurse Anesthetists. I think the only reason is arrogance and all that crap. {My dad is a Nurse Anesthetists aka CRNA}

There is not much difference between the two- Anesthesiologists

Anesthesiologists to med school.

2 yrs school, 2 years clinicals (you rotate from field to field getting hands on experience, 2-4 {?} years Residency

CRNA's still go to a lot of school:

2 yrs school, 1 year MIN (depends on school)work in an intense unit- ie PICU, ER, ICU and then more work experience required in other fields, you go to 2-3 years CRNA School, and 2 years residency.

So as you can see there are a lot of similarities just in the schooling. I'm not say they are the same- nor am I saying that one is better than the other. but they do a lot of the same work, CRNA's are very much discriminated against. especially here in the West. After that Dad's job security was lots, and he then traveled around to several states doing locum tenen to fill the $$ need.

with all that being said, you can see how I might have hard feelings toward MvRMC and anthesiologists. right? So when my Lupus was in full rage, and we had all these chemos to travel 3 hours to and 3 hours back- it wasn't the most economical to go to SLC. However, the specialists and the right equipment was down there. My doctor wanted me close for observance. After a few chemos they said we could try the local hospital for a treatment.

So we tried it. Not that I was all smug when I was checking in or anything....lets get that straight. probably the last thing on my mind that weekend was how they screwed my family. It was more about- who is going to be my nurse? will I know them? will my friends come and see me sick? how sick will I get this time? will I have to share a room? Negativity toward the hospital was the last thing on my mind. This could actually turn out to be a good thing?

In fact there were so many positives. I wouldn't have to miss school {to get out early to travel down to SL}. I wouldn't have to drive 6 hours in one weekend, the first half filled of contemplating my onlooking weekend, the second half throwing up. I'd be in my own bed sooner, in my own home and it might all work out.

And I don't remember much. I remember checking in- walking through the round revolving doors, florecent lighting, blue carpet, blue cubicles. cold room, empty bed next to me (thanks goodness not sharing) who wants to hear me puking.

I do remember my sister coming and visiting me, don't remember what we talked about or what we did. My mom and Aubrey were staying the night with me. Aubrey and I fought a lot- and I think my mom wanted her to see a little of what I went through so that she might have a little more compassion for me. In the late evening hours I had started the throwing up routine. Once that started, I usually just went to bed, tried to make it go away faster. So my mom and sister stayed up watching TV,talking, eating, helping me throw up. After one particular puke- I was exhausted. It was still early evening and I was throwing up way more than I usually did.

And i don't remember the sequence of events. I exited the bathroom, laid on the bed. I remember my mom stroking my hair. My Mom and Aubrey were both crying, which made me cry. It was a pivotal moment, Aubrey crying. She cared for me. She understood what I was doing was hard. I didn't think she cared.

My experience there at MVRMC was the worst and the best. The nurses were short and crabby with us. And a BIG mistake-They forgot to give me an vital anti-nausea medicine the left me 'sicker-than-a-dog.' I was extra weak from way more extra throwing up. This medicine {mistakenly NOt given to me} also helped me to recover faster. So instead of getting better in my own bed and going to school on monday I was sick for a WEEK after in my bed. It was like having the flu.

In the end my hard feelings towards that dumb hospital only grew- making that chemo one of the hardest, but the love that grew for my sister probably could have only happened there, at that dumb hospital.