Well I had no idea about it till 8th grade. One of my good Friends, Sarah Clements pushed me into trying out. I'm so glad she did. The same day she talked me into trying out, I tried out. I think I sang star spangled banner and maybe a scale or so. lucky me I had done piano since I was 5, and violin since I was in 6th grade....so I could hear the notes pretty good. Making my voice match what I hear is sometimes a challenge but I wasn't completely inaduquate.
Anyway, one day at school (jump ahead to 9th grade) I started to have chest pains. When I would breath it felt like I had an ace bandage wrapped around my chest. It progresivly got worse throughout the night. by bedtime I was really freaked of falling asleep and dying because I stopped breathing, or a heart attack. My 2 in the morning I was panicing. I had to take small quick breaths and they hurt. Its like I was being crushed.
My mom rushed me into the ER. the next thing that I remember is getting the X-rays. The Man who did them for me is a really kind and gentle LDS man in our ward. I know it sounds weird. But it was really comforting to me to have someone I know in the wee hours of the morning helping us out. And he smelled really good, he had on a sweet cologne. (if I smelled it again I could probably tell you it was it.) and that is all I remember of that night.
the Doctor just said it was pluracy around my lungs and heart...my diaphram. something like that. (I'll ask my dr family and come back and fix it) so they sent me home. As soon as I relaxed and slept it eased up and was significantly less painful by mid day. After just a couple of days it was gone.
That same day-was a choir concert. And part of getting the easy A is coming to concert. so easy. I mean they they threatened you with your life if you missed a concert. or your grade- it really had to be a life or death thing if you missed, literally.
My teachers were all really into what was going on with me. I had to miss classes because of chemo, and if I was sick they would let an assignment slide or give me extra days. I was determinded though to not be any less than the other students. my school does an attendance reward program- if you miss more than three days, you had to take finals. Not many students missed more than three days...I did, but totally was excused from them. ha. I loved it.
The students were told also what was happening with me. At the beginning of my ninth grade year they even had a specialist come and talk to them about me and my disease. and how to treat others who may have sicknesses and crazy weird stuff going on.
Back to the story, I was up till the wee hours in the morning at the ER, I was not going to school. And my whole class knew the story because my sis was also in Bel-Cantos. Therefore they also knew that I wasn't going to be attending our FINAL concert. I was pretty torn up about this, it was going to be my very last concert of junior high. I wanted to go. but I didn't feel good. What if I fainted up there? Or would others think I was totally faking to get out of school?
In the end I decided that for my own personal reasons I wanted to be apart of the final concert. I remember so clearly walking up to the top row and Ms. Goodrich looking around to tell us where to stand, where to fill in the spaces. And she spotted me. She wasn't expecting me to be there. What happened next sunk deep into my heart. I can see it so clearly, still. I don't know why it meant so much to me, but it did. She saw me, got all teary eye, covered her mouth and then gave me a big smile. She then looked down and composed herself and we sang the night away. Oh, it touched me so. I usually felt like a nobody in many of my classes- especially those kind where there are easily a hundred kids. She cared that I was missing, and that I came.
Years later, my brother Brock was experiencing the same thing that I did. He couldn't breath and it was getting progressively worse-an elephant on your chest. We remembered things that helped- like sleeping upright (on a lazy-boy type chair) and to relax you body. If he could just fall asleep he would be okay till the next morning. I laid in bed thinking of what he was feeling, how I had felt. And I couldn't go to sleep. So I grabbed some lotion and ran downstairs. I messaged his hands, arms, neck and feet...and he zoned off.
{ps read comment number 5, it is from brock....
Ha. That experience has always stuck with me. You know the funny thing about that? I've never EVER forgotten it. When I was on my mission I had a companion come down with the same thing, and I remembered what you did for me. That whole night I was up massaging his arms and hands and feet. Just like what you did for me. Even when he was asleep I kept on going so he would stay relaxed and keep sleeping. That little act of selflessness that you did for me was something that has changed me. And because of your example to me, I was able to put it into effect years later on my mission in a tiny little island to some goofy kid I barely knew. Dez, Your amazing. Trials come and go, but its the strength that we take from them once they have passed, that truly blesses us and shapes us into true Endurers to the End. Your one of my greatest heroes! I started getting emotional looking at that pic of you playing the violin with how chubby you were. Now look at you. Your so incredibly beautiful and talented. I hope to become half the person you are today. Keep shining girl. I love you! :)}
I always wonder why Heavenly Father gave me this lot in life, and that has always been one of the things that I hope it is for- that I can help others. REALLY help and heal those who go through similar things like what I went through. I guess we will still see. I think I'm waiting for it to be something big, but maybe it will be nothing. Now I can see how it changed me. How that trial- refined my heart (my attitude towards life and people) like it talks about in the scriptures. I'm not saying that I'm even close to having a heart of gold- but I'm thankful that this trial got me started on that path.
I'm so glad you decided to write this blog. I think it's fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever commented before, but I had to write and say how much I loved Mrs. Goodrich! She was my music teacher from kindergarten up through 9th grade when I was in Bel Conto and it's something I still miss. She was just such an awesome teacher and person.
I also think this blog is fantastic! I remember when all of this was happening...but not really. I only knew the basics...the surface. I love getting the in-depth experience. I wish I could have understood then like I do now. I wish I could have been more tender-hearted in those moments. I'm glad I understand a little more now. I love that Mrs. Goodrich took notice to your absence and return. Bless her!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that you have helped me in so many different ways. Nothing big or drastic but just little everyday things. I will often find myself thinking of you and how I'm sitting here complaining or whatever it may be and I never heard or saw you complain once growing up. You are seriously my hero! You are amazing Des!!!
ReplyDeleteSuch an impressive strong little soldier! If anything, you went through this to inspire the rest of us:) I moved to Twin Falls at the end of ninth grade and I wanted to so badly to be in Bel-Cantos but couldn't because the year was almost over. I watched all you girls with envy:)
ReplyDeleteHa. That experience has always stuck with me. You know the funny thing about that? I've never EVER forgotten it. When I was on my mission I had a companion come down with the same thing, and I remembered what you did for me. That whole night I was up massaging his arms and hands and feet. Just like what you did for me. Even when he was asleep I kept on going so he would stay relaxed and keep sleeping. That little act of selflessness that you did for me was something that has changed me. And because of your example to me, I was able to put it into effect years later on my mission in a tiny little island to some goofy kid I barely knew. Dez, Your amazing. Trials come and go, but its the strength that we take from them once they have passed, that truly blesses us and shapes us into true Endurers to the End. Your one of my greatest heroes! I started getting emotional looking at that pic of you playing the violin with how chubby you were. Now look at you. Your so incredibly beautiful and talented. I hope to become half the person you are today. Keep shining girl. I love you! :)
ReplyDelete