Chemo

I guess I have kind of had a writers block. After each post I can think of a new thing to write about and will think of ways to write it and those sentences will stick in my head till I sit down and write them. Very unusual for me. If something comes into my head I have to write it down right then or else it is most likely lost.
I think I have had the block more because the next things are the chemo treatments. These are harder for me to write about and describe because they were so physically painful I couldn't even relate it to those around me at the time, let alone now that it is years later and to a bunch of strangers. But I want to describe it so well you can sort of feel the pain and have an understanding. I'm in no way eloquent with words, nor do I have the best vocabulary or grammar...so I feel I don't know where to start. I also only have snip-it of memories, of different chemos, and very tender spiritual moments. how do you put all those into words? I have no idea. It will probably be many posts. but here is the start...so here it goes.

First of all- all chemo's are different and forms of treatment are different. Most people we know go in once a week for a transfusion that will take about an hour. For a day or so they eat soda crackers and sprite. They feel terrible and painful- but a lot of the time can still continue with their jobs and life. Probably at a slower pace.
The Chemo they use in most patients are really advanced-so many people don't even loose their hair. People in our ward or work maybe going through chemo and unless they tell you would never know. I know of three people- like this, one I only found out because her husband outed her in testimony meeting. What a blessing, I think, the Lord has given us this medicine. And although horrific to the person to have cancer and endure that pain it is a blessing that the whole world doesn't have to know their trial by looking at their bald head, or be missing from work a week.

Then there are the "old" chemotherapy treatments, still in use. They are very hard on the body- destroy everything. For me this is what I had to do. Here was my schedule

We would leave early from school on a Friday and head down to Utah, Primary's Children Hospital.
We would check in late afternoon. Yes, like a hotel. here is your reservation and your room number...so many times we had to wait in the room for the ladies to finish cleaning. {??}

I would be pumped full of saline, and quite fast. I would pretty much bloat like a hot air balloon. After about the third chemo I smartened up and stopped wearing my rings. Mainly because the water didn't go away for a week- and the rings would be stuck on my swollen fingers for that long. I like to take them off daily. They were probably all cheap claire ones too- turning my fingers green if wore them in the shower and stuff. This process also gave me a ton of stretch marks. On my thighs, arms, and the inside of my knees. That was really embarassing to me in the following summers when swimming with friends. Even if it was just girls camp. Because I had a LOT of them on my upper thighs. Thankfully a lot of them have faded :)

I had to pumped full of saline, because for the next 2-3 days I needed to be going pee every 2 hours. I needed to get all of these chemicals out of me fast. If they sat in my bladder I would get bladder cancer. So, I would also promise the dr, at the end of every treatment that I would continue to drink drink drink. My mom made sure of that too. water got old fast- anything else I wanted to barf.

so when I had a couple bags or about an hour or two of water in me, they would come in- covered head to toe in drapes. head- hat, body-drape, feet slippers, gloves, and glasses. In one small hand would be a small bag of it.(click on it to see wiki def-) Cytoxan.
for a little 1/2 hour it would pour into my veins, and cause me so much pain for the next week or more.

THEN, for the next 12 hours another chemical called Mesna would drip into my veins. This would bond with the chemo and exit.

The next afternoon I would leave. My mom and the doctor planned it to only take less than a day so that I would be "outpatient" and it would cost a whole lot less. ha-hospitals are so expensive, arent they?

Somethings were the same about the chemo. Arrival, smells- I would always bring my own pillow, cause it smelled like home not sterile. We would bring a lotion and body spray to help with the smells. the treatment, the doctor, the looks of the rooms. you know.
Things like the lotion that I brought were different- I still can hardly stand bath and body works plumeria, juniper breeze, and sparkling green apple. how sick I got. all that kind of stuff. so now that you know how each chemo went, I can delve into the things that were different about each chemo....many to tell, many to tell.

Here is what Wikipedia said about Cytoxan...or part of it. They said it better than me so I pasted it. I've added my own stuff in red.

Side-effects

Many people taking cyclophosphamide do not have serious side effects. Side-effects include chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting (CINV), bone marrow suppression, stomach acheyes yes yes..., diarrhea no, darkening of the skin/nails no, although I remember the dr checking everytime, alopecia (hair loss) or thinning of hair you already know- yes., changes in color and texture of the hair, and lethargy. Hemorrhagic cystitis is a frequent complication, but this is prevented by adequate fluid intake and Mesna (sodium 2-mercaptoethane sulfonate). Mesna is a sulfhydryl donor and binds acrolein. ya ya ya ...

Cyclophosphamide is itself carcinogenic, potentially causing transitional cell carcinoma of the bladder as a long-term complicationsee! I already talked about that :) . It can lower the body's ability to fight an infection Doctors didn't want me attending public school- because I could die from a common cold. Talk about a way to scare a girl.. It can cause temporary or (rarely) permanent sterility. Although it is used to treat cancer, it may increase the risk of developing another form of cancer phew- I have two kids..but they did warn me!, sometimes months to years after treatment.

Other (serious) side effects include:

• pink/bloody urine, um don't think so.
  
• unusual decrease in the amount of urine, over time I did have harder time going pee every two hours, although I did have a TON of water in me.
  
• mouth sores, na
  
• unusual tiredness or weakness, ya
  
• joint pain, ya ya
  
• easy bruising/bleeding,man I still bruise like a banana- but back then.
  
• stopping of menstrual periods, na- DANG!
  
• infertility na- YES!
  
• existing wounds that are slow healing. ya.