Now What?

I walked out of my postpartum doctor's appointment the other day and had a mixture of feelings.

I had counted down the days till I was 6 weeks postpartum-only because I knew by then, I would resemble somewhat of my normal self. Inside and out.

At the same time, It was so sad to say goodbye to doctor Blea. What a doctor. The care that he has given me, kindness -not impatience with me or my health. Always pleasant....even on those hard days you could read in his face. Most the time he was more than "pleasant" happy and joking with me. He watched my meds so close, and got me into another awesome doc- my rheumatologist. All these things I haven't had in any other doc or pregnancy. It raises the bar now for any other doctor I'll have in the future.
Good doctors are out there. We sometimes just have to search for them. Pay more for them.  They are worth it.

ok. So after my bitter-sweet moment at the office, I resolved to come home and write about my last 6 weeks. It has been long enough right?!
days later, I'm here. ha!
well in my defense, I don't have too much time to blog or read blogs anymore.

So the labor and delivery went well. You can read all about it HERE. It's not only words but a picture story too. ooo.

I really don't know where to start.
I guess the hospital.
It wasn't the best stay. My nurses were onery. doing anything for me was a big chore for them and me.
I had to ask and ask. They wouldn't let Nate do anything...like get ice chips. but they wouldn't do it either.
{and lets just talk about their heparin shots. for some reason they were torturous!! you'd think they'd do better than me. They barely put the tip in, and then slowly pushed. one small 5 unit shot took like 5 minutes. no joke. Maybe it was their way of getting back at all the ice chips I requested, torture with a needle. bahahaha)

but it was quiet. and I liked that. My mom had taken the other kids. and I had meals served to me.

They started me on coumadin there, coinciding with heparin. I guess that you have a greater chance of clotting when you first go on coumadin so I had to take both for a few days. The doctor didn't leave instructions on how much of each to take- well on how to decrease the dosage, and I went home on a weekend...so I couldn't get a hold of the office to ask how much and just took what I was taking at the hospital.
First thing monday I called...they fixed my meds. I was officially off heparin!
I love that day. the end of shots.
boy those shots are hard for me. maybe I'm just a baby. I would be a horrible diabetic.

Tuesday I had to go in for a blood draw.
Tues afternoon they called and told me I was SUPER thin.(because I had such a high dose for those 3 days over the weekend) I was to pretty much not doing anything. to LAY LOW- so I didn't bump myself. not to go far from my house. just to "take it easy"
uh...so I did?
{how do you do that with 3 kids}

from then I went in everyday for a week- even over the weekend- to check my blood.
I aLMOST took a picture of my two elbow pits. the bruises were bad. quite attractive, if you like purple and blue skin.
They got my blood worked out. and slowed the blood draw down to 2-3 times a week.
the last two weeks it was just once a week. nice.

My coumadin was all over the place- every time I had a blood draw they called and moved it to 5mg, or 2.5, or every other day 5, and 2.5. It was annoying. I regret not asking what my level was and what they want it to be at, so that I understood what and why they were changing it.
Last week, (week 6 going on 7) I just did 2.5 every other day and now I'm done.
I'm back to my normal meds.
plaquneil and baby aspirin. oh and a prenatal.

My baby, William, is the joy in my life. a cute, chubby, gurgly baby. But he hasn't always been like that.
He was quite a sad guy until 2 weeks ago, then started cheering.
Life was hard. and Overwhelming.
I didn't feel sad about life, I felt overcome by the world.
the thought of running out to get milk and bread. Or cleaning my bathrooms. Or folding laundry was just SO hard. how could I ever do that!?
Granted- it was tricky with this little newborn and the two crazy others. but not that hard.
I knew in my head it is just my hormones. but it doesn't change the way I feel.
It's amazing isn't it? It give you a small insight to what those who constantly deal with depression and problems have to go through. As much as your brain tells you otherwise, it also pulses out the wrong prescription of hormones to make you feel otherwise.

I don't know, maybe they don't feel anything like that.
and as hard as it was for me to comprehend getting ready and going to the doctors and the store (cause I like went to the doctor everyday!) I pushed through and did it. I learned you just plain have to do it. and sure enough I survived and felt so much better for doing it. I would feel worse if i didn't get my jobs done for the day.

Those 6 weeks are just something you have push (and push and push and push) through.

I still don't feel 100% hormone normal. I get overwhelmed and stressed easy. a little emotional. but I'm SO much better and feel So much happier.

LUPUS: should we discuss what happens next?

Well at 6 weeks. I'm watched closely.
I had an appointment with my Rhem. and blood drawn at about 6 weeks.
All these out of wack hormones is what sends the lupus into a flare.

Women are typically diagnosed at puberty and pregnancy. Our hormones.

I have been feeling great (as far as lupus). no sign of acting up.
I still haven't heard from the doctor about my blood draw....so no news is good news. I'm assuming.

ok time for another feeding. babies eat a lot :)

I wonder what I'll have to blog about next.
It better not be a flare.
I'll have to get creative.

anything you want to know about Lupus or Me or Lupus and Me?
feel free to give me ideas.

Bloody 'ell

Walking down the stairs my calf felt like I had pulled a muscle in it. I hadn't been doing anything extraneous to hurt it, but my body is doing all sorts of odd things by itself, so just chalk it up. All day it felt like "calf splints." pain every time I would flex- which is every step. But like millions of runners do everyday- walking with shin (for me it was in the back of the leg) splints isn't too painful.
However, by the next day my leg felt like a REALLY bad pulled a muscle. rub and rub. By the middle of the day my leg is hard as a rock and swollen. I had mentioned it to my parents once maybe twice- but now it is time for the full on complaining.
My mom calls the dr.
We are going into Ultrasound stat. Possible blood clots.
I go into the white room with two beds and an ultrasound machine (oh that is what they look like) I'm told to undress put on the night gown. Everything- even underwear.
The tech pours the gook all over my leg and rub and rubs, the most embarrassing part is he has to go right up my by pelvic bone. kill me!
Deep vein thrombosis was in my right thigh. "this is SERIOUS" I'm told again.

Admitted, bed rested and put on large amounts of blood thinner. I'm now a patient of Magic Valley Regional Medical Center- for at least a week. oh joy.

I didn't really understand the whole bed resting. I about died when the nurses were telling me that I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. Two hours ago I was walking around my house- I was fine then. When Dr. Ippilitto came I took it up with him- asked him PLEASE can I at least get up to go to the bathroom, I will stay down for everything else! he kind of got mad it and stressed upon me the importance of laying down, if I moved then the blood clots could get dislodged and go to my heart or lungs or brain. I still didn't understand how seriously that is. You know teenagers and their attitude toward life (we are invincible!). But I knew it was serious, and I had to do it. so I did.
It was really hard, and really gross. I would even say traumatizing. have you ever had to pee and poop in a bed pan while laying down. Let's say I would get pee everywhere. The nurses would have to change me and change the sheets change everything while I'm laying in the bed. ugh. haha going to the bathroom probably would have been less of a workout for me and them than peeing in a bed pan.
now going #2 was a lot easier- but a lot harder emotionally, embarrassing and S.I.C.K. for me. but "everybody poops." So embarrassing- I remember going potty once, and in the middle of it I had visitors. of course they were asked to stay outside (no one told them what I was doing just they had to wait.) but I'm sure it smelled when they came in. haha. oh man. can't believe I just wrote all that.
anyway- other than the potty and needles it wasn't that terrible. I had lots of visitors, and some gifts. Things like a betty bop from Steph and a tigger and an Anne Geddies doll from the detweilers. All of them meant so much to me. It was now summer, so I wanted to be out in the warmth with friends, but they were kind enough to come visit.

Me and my sis Aubrey
Summer between 8th and 9th grade.
1997



Me and my best Friend at the time- Emily.
I had been on the Prednisone now for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. And I remember my dad said that it looked like I was starting to fill out a little in my cheeks. That really hurt- it was the last thing I wanted, and wanted to believe. I was really in denial. I think I thought that A. I wouldn't get the moon face or B. My blood scores would get better so I would go off the prednisone before my face would blow up. wrong on both accounts.

Because of the blood clots I stayed on Coumadin for a long time, a couple of years. I couldn't do anything crazy like contact sports (basketball, volleyball etc) i bruised like a ripe banana. And was warned that if I was in a car accident I would probably bleed to death in a matter of second. I believed it too- just a paper cut would bleed for HOURS.
They had planned on doing a a kidney biopsy, but that was now out of the question. so I would start chemo sooner.

Today- this still effects me, like I can't be on any type of birth control, they increase your rise of bloodclots. Also pregnancy increases your risk of blood clots. SO for about 8 months out of the nine I have to take shots. Blood thinner. I can't take aspirin or Coumadin because it will effect the babies heart- now allowing it to form closed. With Sydney I took two shots of heparin. Heparin was good because it didn't burn, and only about $500 a month. it was bad because I had to take it 2Xs a day, and my bruises don't heal that fast. so it was really painful. It is also harder to regulate my blood with Heparin so I have to get my blood draw quite often.(yes heparin is what Dennis Quad's twins were overdosed with...)
With Jack I took Lovenox. This is good because it is already loaded with the poison, and I take it once a day. Bad because it BURNs baby burns for about 5 minutes after. Legs are worse...makes my whole leg hurt for a long time. oh and anywhere from $5,000 to $8,000 a month.
when it comes time to deliver the baby, it gets tricky. I can't have my blood thin and deliever- because A. no epidural (yeah yeah, no pain no game. I have no doubt in my mind that I could deliever a baby without meds...but I CHOOSE not to. I have had enough physical pain in my life that I just plain and simple DO NOT want to purposefully put myself through more. I think the Lord has blessed us with the medicine.) B. Loss of blood could be great.
So they take me off the thinner for 24-48 hours and induce me. Another reason to be induced...Lupus patients tend to deliver earlier with each baby. Really unpredictable- not a good combination with thin blood. So with Sydney I lucked out. I had missed a couple of injections and was about a week early. but with Jack, we didn't take chances. At 37 weeks I had an amnio and was induced later that evening.